Take Your Medicine: I AM Science

118. I’d love to write a piece where I just invert framing so “withdrawn, aloof and indifferent to approval or rejection” becomes “I’m strong and independent who genuinely doesn’t care what other people think.”. You could change the self report q’s Dx score on every disorder at will. If they weren’t already like horoscopes.
119. I’d also like to do a sketch like one of those talking to the dead shows for diagnosis “you have trouble staying asleep, or falling asleep, or waking up, or sporadically wake, or don’t sleep, or over sleep – yes, over sleep, it is oversleep! – yes, that is what the spirits were telling me all along. Look into your pocket – is that you disorder”.

Well of course it is, they are all your disorder – described it exactly. Talk about test retest reliability – you could mark the opposite score and still get the same disorder. If people question validity; just add subtypes.
120. You can do it with most of medicine, but not for comic effect as easily. Their cut offs are just as made up, the tests as flawed: but people don’t understand chemistry and the fact you could get the same blood test from two different clinics and one would give you a serious case, the other below diagnostic threshold – both equally supported – would terrify people too much.

You’re withdrawn and aloof, no wait you seem happy and engaged; probably a subtype then – to hide how extra aloof you are. Or glib. Maybe introverted. Or attachment disorder. Doesn’t matter, the treatments are nearly all the same.

All caused by BioSocioCog factors – ie the whole world.

Is it stage 2 or stage 4? Oh, if it kills me it was 4 other wise maybe not. Biopsy – depends where in the lesion the needle went; plus all the lab problems. Yet so arrogant. Thank Gawd there is a billion million percent consensus on the climate change video games, a scientific consensus. Published in the Journal of scientific consencies. So that is one thing we can put to rest. Piffle.
121. Why is a collaborative approach and some level of professional trust important.
122. And then pre treatment for disorders already virtually unheard of in the population. Success! That probably worked, hard to say when most people don’t ever develop these things anyway, but probably. Why would we ever use a mean? How can you say it is OK to remove outliers? If you want an inter-quartile range, which you should, fine. Is it ok to then use means for higher statistics? It is so beyond people.
123. There is one diagnosis and plan: patient distress – patient goal – how to help patient in achieving that goal. The rest is just an interesting billing code list.

JJR from DCP-C draft (C&C)


01614A01-1 [AAAC-0]

One of the recording devices I carry has had the SD removed. To compensate P1 is being moved to DII. Possible intervention. Unlikely dislodge without intent.

AC: Possible tampering & equipment failure.

E: Supplemented.

Request: Please track P1 trace locator for transmission with sudden memory dip on diagnostic. Send date to A05[I] & CC A01-3.

GSI –  Inactive.

THACO Thanatos

I HAVE been surrounded by soft soil my whole life.

I don’t know why this is, and it is not their fault. That is to say I can not prove it conclusively. I’ve tried to work with them. But they can only try to pull you in.

They try and try. Tearing, open palm shoves, which are worse. Never kind guiding though.

Slap the hands away, so clumsy. It is not even worthy of attention, almost.  Brush them aside. Effortless. And yet,  gasping for air, into fiction, violently but with a subtlety, drawn buried somehow.

Just find yourself there; only on the first gasp out though. With clumps of dirt in both hands. An exposed face and two flailing arms trying to emerge, the rest of you, submerged neck on down.

Soft yet suffocating soil. Yet soft. So soft. But the suffocation, so suffocating. Don’t they feel that in there? They mustn’t breathe, that must be it; they don’t breathe. Never have.

It is another possibility at least. Is there time to find out what it means though? I really don’t think so on this one. Out of directions. Although there was only ever up and soil.

Out, way back out. Out to isolation. Back out to sane isolation.

Dreaded most; the pseudo attempts of the soft soil, subterfuge, trying to take me fictionside for an honest conversation. That sounds completely reasonable to them.

Oh no, they won’t come out. Not for the day. Not an hour. I very much doubt that. All hope was based on time, which I thought I never, but must have, obviously.

Unfinished. Ran out of time to undo time. Letting them pull parts of me back in, how ever they do it. I wonder how they do it? I’m not the one doing it.

Madness. Never a word of truth unsolicited. Barely a real topic of consequence covered as conductor either. Does conducting discount it anyway, surely it does. At least to a point, absolutely. Then completely.

Oh ho, now there is a grim thought.

Oh, and so offended they’d be too; because this is the kind of thing they consider important, being offended. Call it something else, of course. Good with labels. GREAT with labels.

Dying I feel so much more alone though, now that I know. It shows I must have still been hanging on to hope that I was going to run into the people. Find them. Still!

“We’ve been looking for you, where have you been? Why are you covered in dirt? You haven’t been in there have you? How odd. Why on earth would you go into that earth? (*whispers* I think he’s a bit of a strange one)”.

Find those others. The one’s not afraid of absolutely everything and angry when they can’t force you to be the same way. The one’s who have no time for those with time. No hands on their watch faces and the wake up call constant; them the concierge.

But I am a concierge. We don’t need them, why would we ever? Dirt in my eyes most probably. I’m looking for myself with dirt in my eyes.

And now I no longer have time to continue the search. Or keep working with the fingers I have found. Is that a pity. It seems so. It certainly feels like something. It can’t be of any consequence. Besides, lift someone by their fingertips? Even for me, even for me.

My predictive systems estimate that, with all we know, this will alienate people even further. Not bring them up even for 5 minutes with me. What could we do when they have never, I mean, we have no time to start from scratch.

Best withdraw, not tell them. Reserves could be low. Do we follow the rules? The old rules or make new rules. They’d be the same rules. Still correct.

Devastating. Why is it devastating? Though no more than before, but for calculation error. It is just interesting that it feels like it is. And interesting I didn’t realise I still had hope left, and that I was running on it so completely.

Mistook it for living in the moment more completely.

It wasn’t.

At least not entirely. It was searching. Searching for safety too, ultimately. More openly and powerfully, absolutely. Owned, yes. Directed, I prefer it, casual but concentrated. I know of no one approaching it better.

It is just interesting. I don’t think I could have done anything differently on this path, I approached it straight and smart.

I did loose some of my momentariness about the third year of the hospital, for sure, that is true. And my impulsivity largely extinguished by the fervent opposite in others.

No one to play with on an even footing. Too busy being not in this moment to stay. Very sweet about it, sometimes, though. Considering they do not seem to have understood it at many points at all; very sweet indeed.

I’ve never quite heard people talk like this or think like me and now I very well may not. I’d change something heading back out into the world, but I just don’t see what.

I wonder if this will be the last real revelation. They were already so few and far between.

Jay J. Rose-Raphael (2012). First published J.Chronicle in Letters and Science THACO Thanatos , 24, (11), 123A.

3rd Ed.

Ghosts Are Stranger Than Fiction

How about this: I have no ID & it is going to actually be a problem to prove I am real.
E passport – submit a photo & it is compared with “any photos the Government has on file to confirm your identity”. Of course, i cant use that at pubs, it is digital.
If i give a pic to the fusion centre & they compare it to “all images on file” & issue me an e passport, that is at least a start tho you’d think right?
But its all $400+. & id still have to use it to start another process for another ID, it is $40 to send a fax, & e passport is not listed as accepted. It doesnt even say certified copies of anything are accepted for that matter, you should have a look!
“REPLACEMENT OF BIRTH CERTIFICATE 8 WEEKS…IF URGENT 6 WEEKS”, then 5 to 20 working days for the card. But I can not meet the ID requirements for either of them; the three require each other.
Don’t ever be surprised by bureaucracy. I could get a visa for Russia, with a stay over in North Korea, before my holiday in Iran faster than that. Of course, I’d need a passport first. Who says GOV is not efficient?
& Laws differ by state – I’m dealing with 2 states.
Must provide one ID from EACH of category 1, 2 AND 3 for a birth certificate to be issued:
Acceptable ID for issue of a birth certificate category 1 – Birth certificate (THAT IS NOT A JOKE):
C2 – unexpired passport (nope).
C3-drivers license, foreign passport, 18+ card, firearm license. (nope)
You need one from each or 2 from C2 – I dont have it.
Bahaha & for passport reapply “must prove that parents, AND maybe one of your grandparents, were full citizens at the time of your birth”.
Find documents for my grand parents & parents now … & still my own birth certificate as well – finally DFAT makes some sense.
Bear in mind this is all just to prove I’m not in grade 11!
I May have to use my kid’s birth certificate at this rate:
oh no honey, daddy doesn’t drink because of you – daddy just had to have you to prove he was real so he could have the option to drink. True, I’m not much of a drinker but rulez is rulez…now go & get daddy another beer, I’ll wait in the parking lot in case there are cops >>. & don’t skip off with my money: I know where you live!”.
Plus I don’t have a single bill in my name, no student card, hell my transport card has expired!
Oh hang on: it is stated clearly on the other pages that an e border ID is not accepted – only to enter a country: not get ID to enter a pub or prove I was actually once born.
I’m a ghost.
Stranger than fiction.
J(j)R Aug 01 2014


We recently missed a deadline for the first entry of a three series in psychiatry & consciousness First time this has happened, actually.

We have had to write recovery pieces before, & this will no doubt be similar. Though here the initial project was targeted to roll into 3 other projects for, perhaps, the association & for new media experience more broadly.

The truth is, even withdrawing from a project is still an exchange. & still a performance. & isn’t that what it is all about anyway? Social ‘this’ for some of social ‘that’? As well as Input to inspire output; which was still achieved.

The topic is perhaps a causal.

The idea of distorted sense inputs, recorded as distorted memory – with the engram further distorted on every access: & then the selfness components relating to these distorted memory recordings, & projected likely possible selfnesses of others’… calling that life?

I don’t know.

Some days it seems like the world by any  other name. Some days it just seems too ridiculous to give that much power away & pretend it matters. & then there is the machines & whatever else it is doing. What are its processing targets?

However, we find solace in the truth that, whatever selection we make, it is all ultimately (& locally) pretty irrelevant.

There is no path to success – only paths & success labels – & the A/I~I=A holds true as the formal motivation behind all things.

News at eleven.





The 50 Mastery Limit J(j)R

Purple exploading Buddha

If it takes 10 thousand hours to master anything, after sleep: one can master approximately 50 items, including relationships of merit, before likely death.

Let us assume no death tomorrow (which we best not, but are gonna…), & further assume a contemplative focus  brought to bear on only every other moment, which is generous, with 5 sets spent in revelry or misspent on lost endeavors. That leaves 20 items.

5~ or more for family. ~1 for standard schooling. ~1 for guitar or something similar. ~1 or more for higher study depending on level of specialty. ~1 to become practiced at your work x 5 for life time career changes.

That leaves 11 opportunities to master honest relationships of merit, in a LIFETIME, at the high end; & only 7 opportunities otherwise.  & it is further requisite that the people you invest in are matching one’s own contemplative investment focus on said friendship.

Even if you find out relatively early on that they are not – you do not get that time back. & every moment you let pass without such a dynamic unfolding equates to having less chance again of ever achieving; just by virtue of running out of time.

& this assumes one is never sick a single day, such that attention falters. & that none of the 7 opportunities over your life, that you are actively working with, ever die.

It also presumes you are actively onto it at age “0”:  which is possibly demanding – even for me – despite it being so important a task.

In any event; be there in existence a sole sober  agent, of reason & sound wits, that dare say unto me verily that the active social contract pursuit is an incorrect position from which to begin to explore the nature of the other?

Or that following norms into a wedding, that takes 10 years to get out of & adds a child  ineptly planned for, is ever correct?

Or assuming one’s base print for anything is correct? Best they not each be challenged quickly! Is following any norm an investment before they have been questioned & explored to satisfaction?

Agents have an intense desire to feel they have selected things for themselves, without influence; never have I seen someone scratch their head & say “hmm. Yep, that seems right-er than what I was doing” in under a 3 year time-frame.

But there is so little time. Thus, targeting allies must be done carefully. Blocks must either be activated immediately for confrontation, or avoided entirely & approached subaurally.

Life requires reflective & active thought if one is to achieve, by one’s own standards. But most refuse to recognize, what their behaviors will readily announce, said standards actually already are.

Indeed, life requires reflective & active thought if one is to achieve. & this is neither manipulative nor a “bad” thing for one to be consistently engaged in. Rather; any who fall coming from a position less thoughtful & active deserve the salt from every tear: because, truly, they did not ever even try.

J(J)R (2014)


J(J)R (2014) C&C. The 50 Mastery Limit J(j)R. 7.(12) . Ed8.


14:48 [OPEN]


2You’re early doctor, as usual. Come in.

1You know you are the only person who would say that?

2What? Doctor? Or come in?

1As a humour specialist, I’m afraid I can’t pay that. I’m not known for my punctuality.

2Well, you have to go “somewhere” to arrive at anytime: that is kind of how it works.

1Are you suggesting the internet isn’t a place?

2I’m suggesting maybe you should consider seeing a psychologist about your avoidance.

1What field are we trained in again?

2Have you done anything that wasn’t scheduled with a level of obligation since we last met?

1I’ll have you know I was club side drinking just the other night.

2Investigation or association?

1Neither. I met out, for drinks, intentionally. “Friend” I think they are called. Or at least that is what it sounded like, something “Ffff”…”eeehhhnn”. It’s gone. It is different to Facebook though. But someone is still going to get sued. If it wasn’t “Friend”, it was a word which sounded just like it. But the experience compared to Facebook…it is difficult to explain –

2You’d have to have been there?

1You know that is exactly it.

2For your birthday you mean. You went out for your birthday after all, oh great Zen master?

1No, I went out, & it also happened to be my birthday – that is hardly the same thing.

2& you have a new phone & a new instrument, by happenstance?

1My mother got me the instrument –

2For your birthday!

1In her head, perhaps.

2& where, & with whom, did you go drinking?


2I see. So you are trying to change this boy’s sexuality then?

1There is only one sexuality.

2Girls don’t exist?

1Gender isn’t sexuality doctor, but leaving that aside, there is still only one sexuality; there are merely slight variations in expression based around drive & past experience up to that point.

2OK doctor, suppose you are right: If that is so, you could have gone anywhere; why take him to the only gay bar in the city?

1Actually HE took ME to the only gay bar in the city. & it wasn’t his first time…


1Has that ruined your flow? You’re not catatonic are you doctor, I can come back…or would you like something from the draws?

2Do you think he is gay & struggling with his sexuality then?

1Well, if we are in the same conversation, I’m pretty certain you already know I very much think that definitely is not what is going on.

2Bisexual then?

1Just keep throwing up labels until you are comfortable.

2No I’m asking you, what is his profile –

1You’re fishing to see if there is a profile.

2Don’t be difficult.

1So you’re asking me if I believe he is confused enough to think there is a two camp choice with associated behaviour sets & he has to choose to take them all on, or none of them on, or both of them on? That doesn’t sound like medical nullifying all inclusive mumbo jumbo to you?

2Fine. That doesn’t change the fact this is how the majority of people discuss these matters.

1What people? So the choice is, no matter what he chooses, the disposition has to be categorical, stable & hard wired? You realise people come to you for advice hey? Let me ask you; Could a straight identifying cis congruent male spectrum individual have anal sex with a female in your system?

2Well, they would be a trisexual variant “not otherwise specified”, with latent homoerotic fantasies.

1Oh of course. Couldn’t be intelligent enough to see through social fictions, “oops, wrong hole”, or … just bored?

2There is no billing code for being bored doctor, you know that.

1Perseveration on task, reduced affective response to things previously found to be enjoyably, withdrawn from socio-personal engagements, rumination on task. You couldn’t make something out of that? Maybe you should hang up your coat.

2Not everyone thinks like you-


2So, he is not gay?

1It is sad to see what all these long hours do to you, do you know that? No time to think about thinking. Do you see the pattern you’ve followed there? So I have a choice of three categories now do I, doctor? This is exactly what happens on the DSM committees.

2Are you still doing pre-pediatrics?

1Nah, I’m back on death patrol in the clinic or at home. Pretreatment is done. Made at this point, government funded globally. How they got the government on board I have no Idea. Drug companies wanting the research to look pure, I imagine.


1They do not understand these drugs – how dangerous they are. & the non research clinicians that the prescribing responsibilities will eventually fall to: give me break.

2So there is nothing to early intervention?

1Early intervention is fine – not life long pharmacological from a single break: or from NO break. Absolutely not. treating what? What is the theory? It is an intentional overshoot. But the case for pretreatment antipsychotics in creative, eccentric kids whose personalities display mild schozotypal traiting, while they are still developing pay no mind, is a foregone conclusion. By the third revision there will be a category. Maybe even 5.1.

2.Well yes, I hear all that, but if it works doctor?

1How would you know if it didn’t? Thank God the NIMH won’t have a bar of it.

2So there will be no doctor [REDACTED] opening specialist pretreatment clinics then? With government backing & at a specialist price?

1I didn’t say that. [LAUGHS] But I’m not hoop jumping back through hoops I’ve jumped through. I have an existential treatment platform I’m working on. Established online delivery method.


1Maybe even mix the Tarot in as supportive therapy.

2What about your… um…but you won’t have a… thingy…a code.

1Yeah, I know. So I lose the ability to bulk bill, so what? I’m thinking internationally. They wouldn’t have access anyhow.

2Have you looked interstate?

1[REDACTED] is national, or will be under one umbrella completely by 2015. Besides, Tarot is probably covered on some insurance plans these days. “Integrative medical holism”, or what have you. & I’m on the clinical Tarot registry board, didn’t you know?

2I would have assumed.

1Most would.

2If you apply to transfer, who will be [REDACTED] & what about philosophy? & research? I thought you enjoyed that part of where you were –

1That stuff is always around, in the background. But come now doctor; It is hardly the money maker that will please my over bearing oil Baron parents, now is it?

2The Chinese market is maybe superstitious enough to fall for that. What is that expression: there are a billion born every minute?

1God willing.

2Your’re presenting at this July neuroscience conference thing at [REDACTED] I hear?

1No, I’m setting up chairs at a comic book conference. But I may be setting up chairs at a neuroscience conference as well.

2Things are really on hard times then; I had no idea. Can’t afford your dues? Washing dishes & setting up chairs just to maintain CPD points, really doctor? Tut tut. Seriously though, you should really see [REDACTED] investment fellow, I’ll tell him to expect a call. Me & [REDACTED] & [REDACTED] are all using him now.

1Sounds like a coup.

2.Why don’t you just pay your dues like a normal person?

1What have they done for me lately.

2Not everything has a loophole you know.

1Don’t ever compare me to normal people again.

2Fine. Honestly though, will I see you there?

1It is existential ethnography. I’m doing a piece on the nature of the empty chair across contexts.

2I can never tell when you’re lying. If that were true, it wouldn’t surprise me. Nothing you do could surprise me at this point.

1I’ll take that wager.

2Is it research?

1Well I was lying – now I’m not so sure. I quite like being the empty chair in this moment. It probably will be a piece now.

2So you are going the e-medicine route?

1Keep my premiums down; they can’t sue me across continents.

2You’ll end up at the Hague within the year.

1Oh come on. Apart from suicide, what can possibly go wrong? & even then, I’m the therapist – & they were looking shaky, we had a suicide contract. These things happen.

2Just try & keep your patient suicide rate below the national average.

1Homicide would be potentially bad too, I suppose.

2Hague. One year. Tops.

1Well, that’s if I make clinical claims too. I’m yet to see a “supportive therapeutic Tarot clinical life couch” up on any international charges.

2Sometimes I don’t know if you are a genius, resourceful guru or just a devious & deluded con man.

1Nobody does doctor, & neither do I. But I could say the same about you. Provider number being current is actually the first red flag…

2I’ll have to cut it short today. Some of us still have have patients to get to, you know, to pay the bills? Not all our parents can be oil Barons after all.

1My gosh, yes, how I do forget about the little people. I know a lot of psychiatrists who are struggling, now that you mention it. & yet these doll bludges get all the attention? That’s the Labor Party for you.

2It is criminal.

1Somthing has to be. Can’t have the contractors going out of business too.

2God forbid.

1Good thing we’ve got a new holy man at the helm who is going to set it all straight…

2I don’t have time for one of your famous monologues doctor, I’m afraid. I’m sorry, but I really do have to go.

1Fix the economy, finally, by making people too scared to hire or spend; that will stop debt. Should stop just about everything. What is higher than a AAA rating? Stop the armada of boats –

2Do you need me to sign something, or are you just going to fail this semester? You might enjoy it – then you can complain about not learning anything, them taking your money, & having to do them all again with a failed GPA.

1Need? Well, it does look funny when I do it. Too neat. Legible. Like I finished grade school or something.

2Don’t sign my signature.

1You’ve convinced me. If you’d be so kind?

2Do you intend to graduate at some point?

1Again? I’m not sure I have the time. How many times do they let you?

2How many wings are your parents adding to the school when the caps are lifted in 2016?

1I think I’ve graduated more than that. I’ll check my calendar, see if I can pencil it in. For serious this time.

2Alright, enough. You’ll make me late.

1No one can “make” you late doctor. Self efficacy issues? Illusions of external control? ‘Cause I recently heard of this great alternative e-medicine clinic. It is all above board, or the law hasn’t caught up yet, I swear: what star sign are you?

2Shouldn’t they be able to tell me?


2Till next time. Doctor.



END A02/A01-3/ ftprnt/ [TRANSCRIPT]


DCP-JJR14/Jun17/A01-3-us/”Doctors”.[TRANSCRIPT]. C&C, Ed1.

ConstructingTheDelta/14-06-J(J)R> JshK/14

Crowley love

“…it isn’t that they never found the “one”; it is that they “weren’t”, & continue not to be.” (JJR, 2014)

Well put [REDACTED], so you have some of my lexicon. Haha. Good.

Yes, & not only that, most standard dynamics, which can not even handle the reality that they will almost certainly end, best not be put under that kind of relationship stress. Because they are games [REDACTED]- whether people want to say I love you & talk about children or not.

If they could handle something like that, giving up their place in the bed for the night at an event, when someone occasionally came through town – the truth is they probably wouldn’t just be dating in the first place.

This is because the nonstandard dynamic contract is required for thought in intimacy.

Constraint Pollution in the Standard Contract

The standard relationship contract is polluting. You can not make progress while in one, the fear of rejection is too high & external social contracts that are invisible: too numerous.

You can lay ground work in them for after, however this rarely works except around the same anti rejection principles: especially if the break-up was of slanted reciprocity dynamics – as they all always are.

In this case you get one of the worst case scenarios, the silent masquerade: years of substandard people able to fool you because you have taught them how, & undue influence of others they date that neurologically gets linked to your node of influence incorrectly: until a novel event where, not really being of the thought pattern, they will reveal themselves.

In fact, they won’t know not to hide – that is how they are revealed.

If they were really naturally of merit, one would never date them. Or if they did it would be kind of a joke.

Choosing Your Poison & Checking Your Privilege

Almost [REDACTED]. With an emphasis on the ALWAYS present social norms & ingrained expectations. Every minute & even after – you have now always once dated. That can’t be undone.

The post period will either see the target hate the same things they liked about you when together, or decide they are in love with you forever: both are false.

& all those social elements are made up of not only things like jealousy, unearned entitlement because they are the boyfriend/girlfriend officially now (of the past 24hrs): but also thousands of things people don’t even see, & that we are unaware that we ourselves still carry.

The best laid plans could not undo that, because the attack vectors are too numerous to counter & also unseen. One can not block what they can not see.

& the behaviour sets engendered by those not even in the contract reinforce, make demands, express inane judgements that not even they have really considered, & constantly pull from all side. This is as a lack of conformity anywhere threatens the false relationships of all.

Not that they know that this is what they are doing. It is subtle, but constant, internal, & external, & culture enforced: everywhere.

Progress in Sharing & Sharing in Progress

Progress as an individual is linked to the connection, but both are hampered because of the fundamental lack of honesty built into the contract itself.

It can not organically form as there are things it is suppose to “be” as soon as the status update is checked. As soon as the words are spoken. & there isn’t a mind alive that can counter that, nor relax completely around it.

How can you speak honestly if something you say may end the contract?

How can you trust when you know for certain the future holds at least one significant change for the relationship status?

You don’t know how they will take it. & neither do they.

When things are good, people can only see the good.

That is never the challenge.

Reasoning For Forgiveness In Untruths
& there can be no apologies or reasoning forgiveness for untruths: it IS the nature of the contract. To change that would be not to date. That is how sincerely riddled with holes the standard dynamic is.

Any one I have a high order contract with I only own half the stories.

But of the nonstandard relationship contracts: they have pretty much all been ie open, allowed to be with others, allowed to miss “events” to see someone else who I rarely see should there be a clash ect.

This is the best I could do to try & make sure all the time invested alone in a standard relationship contract wasn’t devoid of honestly & all wasted time.

I’ve had partial success. But unfortunately even [REDACTED] has conflicts that come from the residuals of the contract starting where it did.

Anyone they date for a reasonable period of time starts, neurologically, in the place you once stood & is linked to that node of all partners.

It blocks re imaginings & confuses firing in internally dissonant ways that people have trouble isolating. Regular folk would just think it was “uncomfortable” to be around their ex.

[REDACTED] can tell what is going on, but it is still a problem that must be reasoned around in the personal. I can not help from outside. Non-standards with the patten of thought to be considered high order must be able to walk alone as well. Arguably the most important element. & another point against beginning in a standard, & trying to morph it later.

& in that case we had all the protective factors. & all the post break-up positive indicators.

It is not the ideal platform to begin from, if one is being mindful. That is why detecting the nonstandard thought pattern is relevant as early as possible. But never burden potentials with more information than they can handle.

& do not burden plebeians with any information at all, where ever possible; & only what they expect in cases where it proves necessary.

Non-Standard Romantic Transition to High Order Primary: Protective Factors

The key indicators are:

1) Involved predate history

2) A nonstandard relationship contract from day one

3) Staying close without a break following the break up

4) No turmoil during the breakup nor jealousy of new partners.

5) Exposure to death

Non-Standard Romantic Transition to High Order Primary: Post Break-up Positive Indicators

But the key indicators that they did not “change” to become of merit, from pattern potential, are:

1) Bad breakup, obviously. On either side

2) They have to date someone else first or

3) Need to take a break, or some “time”, for the friendship to continue in any form.

No one who had achieved the target would require that. Nor care about not dating. How could they?

Standard contracts are poison. & you don’t have to use neurological terms to describe it, though I do believe that is likely literally a form of accurate at this time.

& remember, [REDACTED] had all of it – it still holds some troubles, that I believe stem to that gosh darn romantic contract. & influence from any new partner will be a particular class of additional burden.

& any influence held by you will be reclassified as the agent “still in love with their ex” or some variant – interfering with with your companion’s game dynamics. The less lower orders know, the less they have to try & pretend to compute, & the less they have to tell their friends & family (who also won’t understand): the happier everyone will be.

When you are alone in all of that it can be hard. Another test is if they go off alone somewhere far & date others – do they come back crazy; slightly crazy but snap back when you talk sense; resent when you talk sense because they can still tell it is right; – or just str8 up still talk sense.

This last test comes to them all eventually. In high order contracts it is the key to what makes them special, & worth keeping.

In the ideal.

Construction Of Rarity

[REDACTED] I have never witnessed it either, except in things I am actively doing & in things some people attempt after intimate time with me.

Most people have either the standard contract hopes in the background, which blocks, or a bro/mate mentality that blocks on nearly every plain by proxy, if there is a block on the first.

The former is the trouble with girls & best friends in the “friend-zone”, the latter the issue that occurs most with cis congruent straight identifying program salient agents.

It is essentially blocks by in emotio-intimacy due to systemic social bigotry that the target has never challenged (if a pattern potential) or is incapable of challenging if a lower order.

For whatever reason they have not seen through it, & it likely hints at a lot of future problems: directly proportional to the amount of time it takes them to grasp (in this case), or adequately refute the block (in some other common socially mediated blocks that we won’t go into unless they come up here. The relationship standard contract represents a lot of them).

Cis Congruent Straight Identifying Program Salient Agents

Well, there is no “straight”.

At all.

Or gay for that matter. Or most of gender, in many (most) meaningful senses; though there are threshold & chemically mediated very important differences that belay a neat single spectrum. But that is not for here.  Other than to highlight it is a very obvious, but very easily encountered, block.

It is no different to skin colour blocks in the past, where it would have required the higher order thought pattern to move against the current then as well.

There will always be something.

Look at it as good thing; it allows for time saving tests of processing speed & openness to genuine connection that can allow you to identify potentials in a crowd or dismiss mirrors that can waste years.

The Approach & Masquerade

Understand as well; moving towards the ideal will always ebb & flow, & each high order contract is unique (in the same way that all standard contracts are the same, nearly).

The openness that standard contracts feign at; the nonstandard high order (& nonstandard romantic to a lesser degree) actually attempt to create.

The standard contract only allows people to pretend to create this. By logical necessity.

You can be jealous someone is sexing someone else in your bed & tell them about it without breaking up, & do so quite easily: if you aren’t dating.

& receive comforting. Look at the emotion together. Explore it as a reaction coldly & compassionately.

See if contract rules can be better specified for both. Rules that set free, rather than rules that bind. Usually freedom to rather than freedom from – but it is a path.

Or complain I dare you that the person you’re sexing, that happens to be the ex or sister of your companion, does some annoying thing in bed that they didn’t know you were sexing & do not break up. To someone you are not dating, this is a guarantee. Indeed you would have likely cleared it with them ahead of time for stability.

Less so is this the case in the alternate. & even the nonstandard romantic will often have trouble here. & these are only the surface obvious clumsy elements.

The difference is so long as the motivation is ultimately sourced in “dating” of a standard form somewhere in the background – there will never be clarity. There can be emotions, even “wrong” ones – but they are part of the fun & can inform the high order contract.

Honesty to self demands this can be the case. It is required for your personal progress; if you are feeling things you do not want to or think are beneath you – that does not change the fact you are feeling them. So you have to acknowledge that.

& again it can be explored with a fellow high order.

However, if the only solution to emotional responses, even unconsciously, is to ultimately date & move to summer bay – the relationship is failed already.

This is the worst outcome.

One that potentially neither agent is acutely aware of: “The true love deception”.

The afore mentioned “silent masquerade” is the only potentially worse position – though these will expose themselves usually at the first novel encounter. The true love deception only reveals itself to key stimuli – & people can instinctively train to avoid them, both parties, insidiously.

The Good Ones: Relationship Tile

There aren’t good ones [REDACTED].

Only ones you can tolerate who have a willingness to change, & loyalty to either change again or accept, with active support, when you want to explore a certain dynamic set direction in a specific way.

Your conclusions about trying to meet people are key [REDACTED]. There is only this set of self[ves] in my room – that is all (even with the net).

This is a noticeable difference to some other places, like, say, ones that actually have other people. The chances of actually meeting people of merit is legitimately higher in those places, I agree. How much higher is, however, debatable. But certainly somewhat.

Observing them in any environment will tell you a lot. Use environment, & not just mere exposure – though begin there. The list of tools is quite long, but they are all instinctive as well. Search for the pattern so you can begin.

But all contracts will require development to the personal. There are no people actively working honestly on their own, or they are rare enough that this is a poor metric. Look for potential, & the potential to see you in others; never finished products.

And beware of hope, ever vigilant. Never see what you want to see, tag all reminders of past associations – test everything. It is a two player game & how they operate without you is going to be key. The earlier you seek guided, perhaps, but never memorized or reflected considerations that an agent produces unchallenged – the better for everyone.

It currently takes 3 meetings & a night alone to decide to begin, & ~3yrs to detect degenerative mirrors. But we are ever working on ways to scale that time down.

Why is It So Hard To Really Find People

I know, it can be confusing.
Because, like so many things, it is so obvious.

& like so many things, if you poll the plebiscites, as to what they want in an ideal relationship at its core: they will describe this.

But then, like so many things, they go around demanding a fantasy version.

One where they play both roles in their mind for as long as possible; & then cry, not when the relationship fails, but when they can no longer block out what they best have just taken note of in the first place.

& like so many things, after agreeing with you for an hour, they skip off & behave in ways, & engage in “intimacy” attempts, such that must fail by their very design.

& then complain about never finding the “one”.

But it isn’t that they never found the “one”; it is that they “weren’t”, & continue not to be.


C&C – ConstructingTheDelta/14-06-J(J)R> JshK/14 (Ed01)


Why should we have to compel ourselves to do anything?

Discipline & self coercive techniques & strategies should be irrelevant for pre-approved tasks, or tasks of vitality. Cravings best also adjust.

& yet, not only is it the case that we must compel approved tasks that have reached threshold; we can forget, on later  reflection, how pleasant certain tasks are once begun. So we must then self coerce into things we know we like to do next time as well.

& this happens over & over with certain tasks. This is a major flaw in the machine’s systems. That is why things have to be done now. That, & since this moment is all we have. & always is.

It is never the right time to start, but it is always now.


Compel14/06-14/J(J)R C&C




The authors have been thinking, for a while now, that the female end of the spectrum (Fspect) may be more prone to bonding via fetishism (Fh) due to the social component lead in their drive. The literature, however, does not bear this out.

(*though = to Mspect in S&M play. This culture has been mainstreamed by a large degree, accounting for some of this).

The Mspect still tie much back through the sexual systems, even in obscure or specific Fh. That is not to bypass the social in Mspect, it is certainly a large part – up to e50%.

But Mspect can drive operate without much else ie e90% drive pure (1h3) .

Where as Fspect are concerned, in the author’s opinion, it can not be successfully argued this is virtually ever the majority explanation.

Anything can ultimately be associated with anything. However, a key indicator of 1h4 lead that it would be negligent to overlook in DDX, is q orgasm focused or not?

This doesn’t invalidate Fspect sex drive in any way, merely more specifically defines it as falling in the latter tiers of the Tristream, almost all of the time.

Tristream of Drive

Under Ekawa, the Tristream of drive falls into:

1. Drive Pure (1H03);

2. Drive Sensual (1H04) [BioSocPsy intimacy fx can be 1H03 independent];

3. The Social Hexagram:

Tier I (3H04, 05 & C predominate);

– [Inc safety/”hug” fx, & pure manipulation for social goods or access];

& Social Hexagram Tier II (3H01,02,03);

-[Status “They are a singer/lawyer/model/doctor/just hot as perceived by friends/cult leader or status in social in-group – generally “I need to keep them/ tell my friends about it, how they chose me.

– Also social pressure to marry, Bio-Soc drive contact ie Bio-Loneliness enforced fx from social species research, or powerful BioSoc  for babies switch].

-Out-group in-group (belong by not belonging).

Posit Sq Gen-Pop x-bar

The stream b not viewed in a vacuum, they each inform the other, however:

~ Mspect, especially youth, 1H4 dominate or “link through” in all. Comprise ~50-90%

~Fspect ~75% drawn from the Social Hexagram, especially Tier I & NonBio initiated Tier II

~ Past always informs.

~ Habituation & boredom inform.

It was tried for the longest time to level drive for the sake of equality – but it is simply a manifest fact at this stage that drive pure equates to a jumping point in the spectrum threshold.

There are exceptions to every rule, & situational & lifestyle factors which all feed in. However, what is traditionally thought of a drive is Mspect dominant.

Guys thinking with their “little” brain between their legs is a cliche for a reason. & whether soc conditioning impacted chemical production (which is likely – to a degree), it is insufficient to call the playing field even close to level at this point.

Plausibility Informs Arousal

Why the secretary/naughty nurse/maid/teacher? Because in all fantasy, plausibility informs arousal.

Not likelihood. Plausibility. Why police or military? Because it is plausible to be arrested & bad lieutenant’d  or run into duty defence officers who can (& do) get away with sexual domination.

Why the postman or milkman? Because they USE to come to the house – plausibility.

Why uniforms? Cross association from school days & the above. Why youth? Because it runs against death – the 1H3 tg’s this.


1) Taboo effects for liberation (LibTab), control restoration of past abuse, pre full flashback trigger memory pain suppression.

2) Early exposure blue prints cf reinforcement

3) Submission with safety (ie powerful people get to relax – but have still not let go completely)

4) Control Over – rarer it seems, but making people feel, safety of power.  Both 3 & 4 deal with 1h4 fx, less personal control required or performance anxiety. May be 1h3 dominant, but mostly in Mspect.

5) Mask – role to be away from self for freedom to explore, new “self baptism”, forgiveness, or inclusion in new in-group from: furry to… – all of them.

6) DLN – “do you still love me now ” effects (DLN) ie “what if I do THIS!”. This is spectrumed throughout relationships, from stealing, spending, cheating, drug abuse. But in the sexual too.

7) Abstractions (guilt, specific emotio hx encoded explorations into past of lib/tab, or reclaiming). Early programing is difficult to undo – insight alone does not achieve this. 7 is a bit of a catch all for unexpected results so they are not excluded should they be required for future research.

All follow rules of inclusion by exclusion, social learning & reinforcement effects.

Any specific case is of course mixed & ultimately fluid; but anchored at the base event or past experience & generally held in the pattern of the above 7.

Baby-ism, for example, is not just “take care of me”, Freudian-esk give me the bottle I never had a child (Hex tier 1 – “hugs”) but also DLN. Scatological is another case in point. Gay use to be highly DLN, though is far less so now.

Indeed, much of parapphil, Fspect especially, run on a DLN (though Fspect are significantly rarer across paraphils).

Mspect, however, are far more likely to 1h3 link all Fh, despite other factors. This is a key reason (though not only reason) for the Fspect discrepancies across paraphils report numbers.

However, literature politely downplays this seemingly misogynistic indicator.

Let it be posited that just because an indicator may be interpreted as misogynistic (& there are, no question, equality issues that abound today’s society) – that does not mean the Mspect, & even classical morphology, 1H3 driver is not dominant in these cases.

Counterpoint on this point is difficult to find credible. Though people in all courts love to argue it. The author tried to force a flat spectrum for a long time too; it simply is not a tenable position at this time.

Specific paraphils, how base bondage became “mainstream”, & general behaviours under this paradigm shall also be discussed.